After long consideration and viewing multiple facebook posts of peoples babies I have come to the conclusion that my cats are far cuter/better than your babies*. Let me provide some scientifically proven** facts as to why cats are better than your babies/children.
1.) Fur. Is your child covered in fur? Because if it is that’s fucking terrifying and you should see a specialist. As for my cats they are covered in fur and look adorable. Have you ever touched a cats belly? It’s like touching angel wings or the hair of God.
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| Dr. Unagi |
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| Disco |
2.) My cats don’t incessantly cry for no reason. No, they purr or meow. I mean they howl when in heat, but you can handle that with a quick trip to the vet. You can’t take a baby anywhere to fix that high pitch scream they do at 3am.
3.) My cat’s got 9 lives, your kid only has 1 beat THAT!
4.) They crap in a box and cover it up. Cat’s are discreet and have dignity, they don’t want you seeing their crap. Babies? Babies crap everywhere on anything at anytime possible.
5.) I’ll never have to send my cats to college
6.) My cats can’t get pregnant (well Dr. Unagi can but we’re handling that soon). Can you say that for your baby? “Oh but Andrea, my baby is only 7 months old”. You wont be saying that when they’re 16 , pimply,and horny.
7.) Entertained easily by a string. My cats can play endlessly with a cat dancer ($2.99) and a plastic bag. How much is that X-box or baby Einstein stuff?
enjoy this video of cats on cheap catnip
8.) Spring loaded feet. Can your baby jump 3-5 times their height
9.) Cat’s clean themselves
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| Adorable? Yes! Clean? ABSOLUTELY NOT! |
10.) 15-18 years emotional investment tops and no one will judge you if you buy another afterwards. You can’t say that when your 35 year old kid moves back in with you when his band didn’t take off.
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| "Death Ferrets are playing at Kmart opening, I think this is our big break" |
*I may end up having kids of my own, and yes, my cats may still be better than them
** there is NO scientific proof that cats are better than babies/children
Enjoy this video of a cat on a roomba:
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