The Patriarchy: Oppression for everyone!



The patriarchy  totally suck dude. Let me do a break down for you. . Ilost you with the whole 'oppresses women thing' but it does. It's about exerting male dominance over females. Now you probably think that you (being a guy) would tooooooooootally benefit from the patriarchy, but you don't.  The patriarchy is where our very rigid gender roles come from. This doesn't help you Here's why.


1) The Patriarchy says you should bone down a certain way .

Women love guys who see them as equals, it's like a proven fact. But lets go even further than that. The Patriarchy tells us women that we should be sexually submissive, pure, virginal, and pretty much sexually stunted. Because if you aren't those things, you're a slut and a hoe-bag. We (women) are also guilty of perpetuating this myth, but going into all that is another blog post. The Patriarchy has told you (dudes) that you need to be sexually aggressive, have a shit ton of partners, and be sexual experts. If you as a dude aren't doing any of those things, well then you aren't a man (according the patriarchy).

Wouldn't you want to be with a woman who felt sexually free to be who she wants to be, whether that be virginal or not? There is nothing more unattractive and unsexy than sexual hang ups (that goes for you guys too). Wouldn't sex just be way more exciting and awesome if we could switch and/or be flexible with our gendered sexual expectations? Heck yeah it would be exciting! Sex should be fluid and free flowing. Sex without judgment should be the ideal, but the Patriarchy is one judgy bastard. 

The Patriarchy says the following:

"Women, you have no control over your own sexual behavior, you're there to be available and willing. However, if you're too willing you're bad"

You know what turns off a lot of women, feeling coerced whether it be by society or a person. I consider myself a very sexually liberal person. If I ever felt that my partner was judging me for my wanting sex and enjoying it, well lets just say we wouldn't be partners. When women feel they are in control of their own sexual choices we become fun sexual partners!

Whenever you feel guilty about you're sexual behavior (or lack there of) that's the patriarchy talking

2) Gender roles: You have been pigeon holed my friend

The feminist movement has opened up so many roads for women. I mean, just like 60 years ago women were supposed to just stay home and take care of the kids. Screw getting an education, you had to get your M.R.S. degree. But woah, so many options now! We can be stay at home moms, business owners, Secretaries of State (HOLLA HILLARY), and much much more. We've been battling the Patriarchy and although we still have a long way to go (getting rid of misogyny, eliminating rape-culture, amongst other things), we've made huge strides. BUT you guys, man you still are supposed to act a certain way. You're still supposed to be cavemen.  I feel as women we've become a bit more flexible,  being able adopt traditional male roles with more acceptance. But I fear that there is less acceptance for men adopting traditional female roles.

Men: "you need to be the breadwinner" , "why are you crying, men don't cry", " you need to take the lead"

You guys have been taught that if you acquire ANY female attributes you're a "pussy" or you're "weak". See, that sucks because:
1) It implies we're weak
2)  It gives you no flexibility.

See, the patriarchy is having you believe the hype that if you move away from your gender role you're less than a man. But you're not!! You're still 100% dude. If you identify as a man, you're a man. Shouldn't it be that simple?

You need you're own masculine movement, but not like those odd men's right activists who swear feminist are out to get you. Nah, man, I'm a feminist and I LOVE LOVE LOVE MEN. Like seriously!

Men are capable of so much more than the bullshit the Patriarchy is feeding you! So men, join me to fight the patriarchy, be my brother in arms, because no one benefits from systematic oppression.

SWANSON OUT!!!!!

The cows are leaving

Today, I read some sad news on my Facebook feed. My high school friend S was having her dairy moved to Nebraska.    The time had finally come to say good bye. Although I haven't seen as much of this friend as much as I would have liked since finishing high school, we always talked about the cows when we did.

 I went to a Jr. high and high school with a very large population of dairy farmers. Many with the names starting with De or Van or Vander something (and they had a problem saying my last name). We were close to the dairies too and it wasn't to uncommon to smell them during early morning breaks and after chapel. 

I remember my friends dairy. She had a golf cart and this other little mini car that we would take for a spin. She would take me to see the cows getting milked. The things they put on those udders where fascinating and could offer a death grip on your finger. I would drink cold fresh milk, bacteria be dammed. That shit was goooood!!! 

I look back fondly on one evening when we headed back from a typical senior year bonfire. She showed us the place where they keep the cotton they feed the cows. A huge barn of it, and we'd climb to the top and dive in. It was good clean fun. I'll miss the smell and the site of the cutest calfs I've ever seen.

Seeing the cows go is more than just  seeing a part of my past leave. It's a reminder that life keeps just keeps moving and as I get older the more likely it is I will see parts of my childhood get paved over. 

The memories of those summers will always be encased in a warm SoCal afternoon. Those wonderful Holstein memories 

My pops

My father looks like Saddam Hussein when he grows out his beard. Has a voice that could be heard easily a mile away and is pretty tall for a Salvadorean.  

I tell many fathers that come into the agency for treatment that the first love of a woman's life is her father. This mean that it can have a positive or detrimental affect on her if you don't treat her right.  The love or lack there of that fathers give our mothers is observed and taken in. From that we can choose what we do and don't want in our relationship ( if we're fortunate enough to be aware of this baggage we carry).

My father loved me immensely as a child, never made me feel like my gender defined who I was or what I should or shouldn't do. My dad let me rock on with my quirky adolescent self. He took me to see the little mermaid as a little girl and now cheers for me when I finish marathons. He is a great gruff of a man with a chewy nougat center.

Feliz dial del Padre, Radio Viejo.

Being a wife

My husband and I were married 6 months ago today. Man time flies! We're technically newlywed but the hubs and I will be celebrating our 6 year "anniversary" in septemberish (a term I'm using loosely  because we don't have an actual anniversary day).

I'm still trying to figure out the whole wife thing out. I know how to be a girlfriend. I got that on lock down! But being a wife is different. The only reference I know about beings wife is what I've learned from the women around me. Some have been cautionary tales, others inspiration, and some a little bit of both. But they were their husbands wives, which means my role as Scott's wife will be different than other women I've known. 

I'm going to take this approach even when I become a mom. I know there are some universal basics to being as good wife: no screwing around with someone else, don't mock him in front of others, be supportive, and support him. Basically do unto him what you want done unto you.

I define being a wife is really about compromising and choosing your battles. Things that would make me blow up before seem trivial, because I have a long life to live with this man of mine, and getting upset over the toilet seat is pretty petty. Being a wife is about learning how to communicate my needs and understanding his.

I often battle between the Christian idea of being a wife, as I 've always associated being a wife with being submissive, unquestioning, and tolerant. God made me none of these. But I'll tell you one thing, I'd give that man my kidney, stand by his side because he is my family now. Being a wife is about spending your life with someone equal yet different than you. Someone you can learn from and can learn from you.  I will be the woman I have always been, the woman that attracted my husband. And that woman will be his wife. I love the man that makes up my husband.

I got a long way to go and I'm still figuring it out, this whole wife-ing thing. I'm pretty sure ill mess up occasionally because I'm human, but I'm gonna give it my 100% because well, in marriage there should be no half assed efforts.

Appreciating La Chele (my mom)

Let me start out by saying that my mom is a total bad ass. She's a tiny little thing with big hair and incredibly white legs. But don't let her stature deceive you- she's feisty. The relationship between mother and daughter can be a complex one, and no one can push your buttons like your mom. My mom and I went through some difficult, wonderful, and necessary changes in our relationship. I think if I hadn't gone through them with her we wouldn't have the relationship I have now. She's my homie. She understands why I don't pick up the phone after 6:30 p.m and why I do the things I do. In my almost 32 years of life this woman has taught me a lot:

- She taught me how to make rice without it burning or sticking to the pan.

- She taught me how to get rid of grease stains on shirt.

- I learned how to iron a shirt so that thing comes out looking CRISP

- I learned the value of sitting down, talking, and having coffee

- Through her I learned the importance of having a supportive and caring man by your side that can help you when you're down.

- She's taught me not to share every thought in my head with everyone (I'm still trying to practice that one) and that keeping silence in certain moments are vital.

- "Pensar con la cabeza y no el higado." In other words don't speak out of a gut reaction and actually think about what's going to come out of your mouth.

- I NOW understand the saying "El Haragan y El Mesquino hacen dos veces el camino" (The lazy and the stingy walk the same road twice).

- I've learned through her that you can be a strong bad ass and still cry and ask for help. It's OK to cry.

- I've learned the importance of supporting the dreams of those who love you by being always present for them. She went to every one of my performances, rehearsals, and shows when I was younger.

- I've learned to value the women in my life: my sister, my mother, my cousins, and my girlfriends. Every woman should have her fem-posse, her ladies, her chicas. I've learned to value and appreciate not only the complexity of my femine soul, but that of the women around me.

- I've learned to pee before you go somewhere (even if you don't think you need to), eat something to tide you over until dinner, breakfast, or lunch, the importance of always carrying Kleenex (although I still don't carry a packet with me), and putting on some make up before your husband gets home when you've been hanging around in sweatpants all day.

My mother once told me that I would never understand how much she loves me until I have a child of my own. I think I'll have to agree with her on that. I love her as my mother, but I will never truely grasp the extend of her love for me  until I hold my daughter or son in my arms. I've learned so much from my mom that I can't even begin to write it all down. I hope to someday be the kind of mother she was to me: loving, spoiling, and accepting of who my child is.

Te amo Chelita

Happy mother's day!

The Hubsters: In lieu of a sappy facebook update.

Today is my husbands birthday, and the first one we get to celebrate as husband and wife, pretty exciting stuff! I'm still trying to get in the habit of calling him my husband, since he's been my boyfriend longer than a husband. Since it's his 35th birfday I thought I'd list out a few reasons why I think he's the bee's knees.


1) He's a weirdo, which is funny because when I first saw him, he hid his weird very very well. It works out great because we're both weird together. He knows my crazy and accepts it. I know his weirdo-ness and accept it.

2) He values my opinion and asks for my input. I can really value a man (my husband is a manly dude) who does not feel any less when asking his wife's thoughts and insights. I like that he's secure enough in his masculinity that he wants to ask my opinion.

3 He can admit when I'm right (which is often :) )

4) His passion for what he does (software development) extends beyond his 9-5 job. He does it on the weekends and weekdays after work until he's figured out whatever personal projects he's working on. I admire this immensely in him, because I don't have the discipline to engage in my own personal projects. I just want to be home watching Grey's Anatomy re-runs on Netflix.

5) He is incredibly introspective and willing to question himself. He's first going to say "Is it me?" rather than "It's THAT person!"

6) He respects my faith and opinions even though he doesn't agree with me. This is something I could definitely learn from him, as I tend yell when you don't agree with me.

7) The last one, even though there are so many. He's a man who's life could have gone in a completely different direction, but his determination  to constantly better himself has landed him in the place he is today.

M.I.A.

Woah, it's April, screw that, it's actually May, this day is half way over. Let's just call today May already. Its been many months, 6 to be exact, since I last typed. I've had so many thoughts as to what direction to take this blog that I am so neglectful of. I was thinking of starting another one called "Paws and Pens" focusing on this new marital adventure I'm embarking, but then that would just be a 3rd blog I have started and would potentially fail to follow up on. So why flake out on a third when I can sporadically flake out on this one. Let's catch up with what I've been up to these past 6 months:

1) The Dude and The Lady get married: We had decided to stop living in sin and got hitched in December. It was a beautiful day! Let me tell you, I look back at the pictures and relive the excitement and utter stress that was planning this day. I have never been so happy to see my groom than when I saw him at the end of that aisle because it meant that the insanity of a year of half of planning was drawing to an end. We still haven't taken our honeymoon because my job sucks like that, so we'll see what the summer brings us.

Kitty Favors that we gave our Guests (Left: Dr. Unagi Righ: Disco)

2) I ran the LA marathon again: And I PR'd that shit! I shaved 30 minutes of my time. With everything that happened in Boston, I wish I could qualify so I could run next year in solidarity, but alas, I'm supah slow.

3) I passed one of two state exams: I'm trying to get licensed in California to remove the I from the MFTI I constantly have to sign. Last year I failed this test by 1 point. 1 POINT!!! Needless to say I drowned my sorrows in tears and fried macaroni balls from Cheesecake factory. When I passed I went back to the Cheesecake and ate those macaroni balls with the taste of victory in my mouth. TAKE THAT BBS! I can't get too cocky though, I have to pass my next exam.

4) Dr. Unagi gets asthma: When I heard her awful coughs The Hubs (i.e. The Dude) and I thougt the worse. We thought for sure this big fat tuxedo cat would have some congenital heart disease. We took her to the vet and turns out she and I have something else in common other than our love for belly rubs and catnip. Dr. Unagi has allergies which triggers asthma attacks and some pretty bad dandruff. We now have to give her this disgusting medicine that makes her puke, but will keep the asthma and dermititis at bay.

What are my plans for 2013, well I'm not promising anything, except reflections on running (like I was doing before) and incorporating more musings regarding therapy and mental health issues.  Oh, and cats, more blogging about cats, because cats are great!

Dre-Dog out!