My pops

My father looks like Saddam Hussein when he grows out his beard. Has a voice that could be heard easily a mile away and is pretty tall for a Salvadorean.  

I tell many fathers that come into the agency for treatment that the first love of a woman's life is her father. This mean that it can have a positive or detrimental affect on her if you don't treat her right.  The love or lack there of that fathers give our mothers is observed and taken in. From that we can choose what we do and don't want in our relationship ( if we're fortunate enough to be aware of this baggage we carry).

My father loved me immensely as a child, never made me feel like my gender defined who I was or what I should or shouldn't do. My dad let me rock on with my quirky adolescent self. He took me to see the little mermaid as a little girl and now cheers for me when I finish marathons. He is a great gruff of a man with a chewy nougat center.

Feliz dial del Padre, Radio Viejo.

Being a wife

My husband and I were married 6 months ago today. Man time flies! We're technically newlywed but the hubs and I will be celebrating our 6 year "anniversary" in septemberish (a term I'm using loosely  because we don't have an actual anniversary day).

I'm still trying to figure out the whole wife thing out. I know how to be a girlfriend. I got that on lock down! But being a wife is different. The only reference I know about beings wife is what I've learned from the women around me. Some have been cautionary tales, others inspiration, and some a little bit of both. But they were their husbands wives, which means my role as Scott's wife will be different than other women I've known. 

I'm going to take this approach even when I become a mom. I know there are some universal basics to being as good wife: no screwing around with someone else, don't mock him in front of others, be supportive, and support him. Basically do unto him what you want done unto you.

I define being a wife is really about compromising and choosing your battles. Things that would make me blow up before seem trivial, because I have a long life to live with this man of mine, and getting upset over the toilet seat is pretty petty. Being a wife is about learning how to communicate my needs and understanding his.

I often battle between the Christian idea of being a wife, as I 've always associated being a wife with being submissive, unquestioning, and tolerant. God made me none of these. But I'll tell you one thing, I'd give that man my kidney, stand by his side because he is my family now. Being a wife is about spending your life with someone equal yet different than you. Someone you can learn from and can learn from you.  I will be the woman I have always been, the woman that attracted my husband. And that woman will be his wife. I love the man that makes up my husband.

I got a long way to go and I'm still figuring it out, this whole wife-ing thing. I'm pretty sure ill mess up occasionally because I'm human, but I'm gonna give it my 100% because well, in marriage there should be no half assed efforts.

Appreciating La Chele (my mom)

Let me start out by saying that my mom is a total bad ass. She's a tiny little thing with big hair and incredibly white legs. But don't let her stature deceive you- she's feisty. The relationship between mother and daughter can be a complex one, and no one can push your buttons like your mom. My mom and I went through some difficult, wonderful, and necessary changes in our relationship. I think if I hadn't gone through them with her we wouldn't have the relationship I have now. She's my homie. She understands why I don't pick up the phone after 6:30 p.m and why I do the things I do. In my almost 32 years of life this woman has taught me a lot:

- She taught me how to make rice without it burning or sticking to the pan.

- She taught me how to get rid of grease stains on shirt.

- I learned how to iron a shirt so that thing comes out looking CRISP

- I learned the value of sitting down, talking, and having coffee

- Through her I learned the importance of having a supportive and caring man by your side that can help you when you're down.

- She's taught me not to share every thought in my head with everyone (I'm still trying to practice that one) and that keeping silence in certain moments are vital.

- "Pensar con la cabeza y no el higado." In other words don't speak out of a gut reaction and actually think about what's going to come out of your mouth.

- I NOW understand the saying "El Haragan y El Mesquino hacen dos veces el camino" (The lazy and the stingy walk the same road twice).

- I've learned through her that you can be a strong bad ass and still cry and ask for help. It's OK to cry.

- I've learned the importance of supporting the dreams of those who love you by being always present for them. She went to every one of my performances, rehearsals, and shows when I was younger.

- I've learned to value the women in my life: my sister, my mother, my cousins, and my girlfriends. Every woman should have her fem-posse, her ladies, her chicas. I've learned to value and appreciate not only the complexity of my femine soul, but that of the women around me.

- I've learned to pee before you go somewhere (even if you don't think you need to), eat something to tide you over until dinner, breakfast, or lunch, the importance of always carrying Kleenex (although I still don't carry a packet with me), and putting on some make up before your husband gets home when you've been hanging around in sweatpants all day.

My mother once told me that I would never understand how much she loves me until I have a child of my own. I think I'll have to agree with her on that. I love her as my mother, but I will never truely grasp the extend of her love for me  until I hold my daughter or son in my arms. I've learned so much from my mom that I can't even begin to write it all down. I hope to someday be the kind of mother she was to me: loving, spoiling, and accepting of who my child is.

Te amo Chelita

Happy mother's day!

The Hubsters: In lieu of a sappy facebook update.

Today is my husbands birthday, and the first one we get to celebrate as husband and wife, pretty exciting stuff! I'm still trying to get in the habit of calling him my husband, since he's been my boyfriend longer than a husband. Since it's his 35th birfday I thought I'd list out a few reasons why I think he's the bee's knees.


1) He's a weirdo, which is funny because when I first saw him, he hid his weird very very well. It works out great because we're both weird together. He knows my crazy and accepts it. I know his weirdo-ness and accept it.

2) He values my opinion and asks for my input. I can really value a man (my husband is a manly dude) who does not feel any less when asking his wife's thoughts and insights. I like that he's secure enough in his masculinity that he wants to ask my opinion.

3 He can admit when I'm right (which is often :) )

4) His passion for what he does (software development) extends beyond his 9-5 job. He does it on the weekends and weekdays after work until he's figured out whatever personal projects he's working on. I admire this immensely in him, because I don't have the discipline to engage in my own personal projects. I just want to be home watching Grey's Anatomy re-runs on Netflix.

5) He is incredibly introspective and willing to question himself. He's first going to say "Is it me?" rather than "It's THAT person!"

6) He respects my faith and opinions even though he doesn't agree with me. This is something I could definitely learn from him, as I tend yell when you don't agree with me.

7) The last one, even though there are so many. He's a man who's life could have gone in a completely different direction, but his determination  to constantly better himself has landed him in the place he is today.

M.I.A.

Woah, it's April, screw that, it's actually May, this day is half way over. Let's just call today May already. Its been many months, 6 to be exact, since I last typed. I've had so many thoughts as to what direction to take this blog that I am so neglectful of. I was thinking of starting another one called "Paws and Pens" focusing on this new marital adventure I'm embarking, but then that would just be a 3rd blog I have started and would potentially fail to follow up on. So why flake out on a third when I can sporadically flake out on this one. Let's catch up with what I've been up to these past 6 months:

1) The Dude and The Lady get married: We had decided to stop living in sin and got hitched in December. It was a beautiful day! Let me tell you, I look back at the pictures and relive the excitement and utter stress that was planning this day. I have never been so happy to see my groom than when I saw him at the end of that aisle because it meant that the insanity of a year of half of planning was drawing to an end. We still haven't taken our honeymoon because my job sucks like that, so we'll see what the summer brings us.

Kitty Favors that we gave our Guests (Left: Dr. Unagi Righ: Disco)

2) I ran the LA marathon again: And I PR'd that shit! I shaved 30 minutes of my time. With everything that happened in Boston, I wish I could qualify so I could run next year in solidarity, but alas, I'm supah slow.

3) I passed one of two state exams: I'm trying to get licensed in California to remove the I from the MFTI I constantly have to sign. Last year I failed this test by 1 point. 1 POINT!!! Needless to say I drowned my sorrows in tears and fried macaroni balls from Cheesecake factory. When I passed I went back to the Cheesecake and ate those macaroni balls with the taste of victory in my mouth. TAKE THAT BBS! I can't get too cocky though, I have to pass my next exam.

4) Dr. Unagi gets asthma: When I heard her awful coughs The Hubs (i.e. The Dude) and I thougt the worse. We thought for sure this big fat tuxedo cat would have some congenital heart disease. We took her to the vet and turns out she and I have something else in common other than our love for belly rubs and catnip. Dr. Unagi has allergies which triggers asthma attacks and some pretty bad dandruff. We now have to give her this disgusting medicine that makes her puke, but will keep the asthma and dermititis at bay.

What are my plans for 2013, well I'm not promising anything, except reflections on running (like I was doing before) and incorporating more musings regarding therapy and mental health issues.  Oh, and cats, more blogging about cats, because cats are great!

Dre-Dog out!

Are you a MexiCan or a MexiCan’t: Dia de los Muertos

I haven’t written in a while, forgive me. Today is the first day of Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead).  Today I am filled with Mexican memories. Puebla at times has similar weather to Ontario, although I swear they actually get their fall more pronounced than what we are currently experiencing, but I digress. Dia de Los Muertos is a day when all the dead come back to say “sup.” Day of the dead spans the first two days of November, with many families setting up altars to their loved ones who have passed away. Altars are usually brimming with color! Pinks, purples, orange, reds! Gorgeous!

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 They line the altars with cempasúchil, which is a yellow/orange marigold. A lot of altars have a trail of cempasúchil (Flower of  the Dead) so that the dead know how to get back to their homes. The altars have ‘pan de muerto’  , tequila, or other favorite foods of the deceased. Calaveras are seen grinning from ear to ear! I’m bringing it up today, because I am always flooded with memories of my aunt, my Tia Cheny.

My mother exposed me to Mexican culture at a very young age, often taking me to visit my aunt and cousins when I was 6-7 years old. My first memories of Mexico was that of my aunt handing my sugared calavera, which I swear got bigger and bigger every year. One year she got me one with my name on it. I was reminded of the cold breeze in Puebla in the evening during this time of the year and eating Churros con chocolate in ‘El Porton’ (Like a Mexican Denny’s). Most of the warmest memories I have of Mexico relate to my aunt and my cousins and this time of the year. Maybe that’s why I associate November/Decemnber with my family. I remember going one year during Dia de los Muertos and we went to this town that lied about 40 min out of Puebla.  The town opened their doors to visitors to see their altars. We went from house to house, we were offered hot chocolate, tamales, mole, and bread. 

La Catrina

Dia de los Muertos is about celebrating life, laughing at death (as seen through the Catrina). Outsiders may see this as morbid, but it is a beautiful tradition. I hope some day Scott and our kids can visit the altars, maybe visit the cemeteries (which have been filled with mariachis serenading the departed), smell the burnt incense, and treat our kids to some churros con chocolate afte they have eaten their queso fundido. 

My muffin top is all that. Whole-grain, low-fat.

Fuck self-control

That sneaky son of a bitch. My weight has a tendency of sneaking up on me. Next thing I know I'm up a size in pants, and I think nothing of it, until I realize that going up a size means having slowly gained 10lbs over two years. I was at weight watchers over two years ago, and I lost 20 lbs WOOHOO, good for me right? well that 20lbs window lasted abooooooooooout a week, then slowly I've been gaining it back. Part of the blame lands in marathon training. I was really ok with gaining 5 lbs because I was a ravenous beast. I mean it's like impossible to log 25+ miles a week and train without completely loosing your self-control around bread.

The problem is, my marathon ended March 17. Uh, 6 months ago. Everyone tells me "oh you can eat like that, you're a runner." Well the running gets defeated when you're making sweet sweet love to a big mac (GODDAMN THOSE THINGS ARE GOOD!).

GET IN MUH MOUTH!

 So here I am : 151.4 lbs and I'm posting it online because today I went back to weight watchers, started a work fitness competition, and 2 months away from my wedding.

I can't loose too much weight this month because I'm getting my dress, and frankly I can't afford to get my dress super altered. So we'll call this an 4 week journey to see how much I can lose, and sustain.

Wish me luck!