Women (all of you) should consider voting Obama

Why women should vote for Obama

Now, before you right me off as some right wing liberal, let me just say I’m approaching this from the simple angle that I’m a woman.  If you don’t like Obama’s foreign policy, current economic stance, ‘Obamancare’ I can completely respect that.  I honestly don’t know enough about that to comment about it, so I won’t. But there is something I do know. That if we vote for Romney/Ryan our rights a female whole will see set backs, and right now our issues are being peddled as non-issues in comparison to everything else, and women THEY ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT.

1)      Choice

Roe vs. Wade, if you don’t know, gave women the right to choose to terminate a pregnancy.  But Roe vs. Wade means more than that to us ladies. We, as a whole, have been oppressed over years and have been told how our bodies should be or shouldn’t be. Roe vs. Wade was about us having control over our bodies, just like birth control gave us autonomy over our sexuality. Do you really want a bunch of crusty old dudes saying what you can and can’t do with your vagina?

Ok, so you don’t believe in abortion, hey, neither do I, if we’re talking as a means of birth control. There are multiple ways to avoid pregnancy (abstinence, BC, etc).  Many pro-choicers will tell you they themselves wouldn’t get one, but they want women/girls who find themselves in desperate situations to have access to terminate a pregnancy without going a la back alley, which can be incredibly dangerous and deadly.  Pro-Life needs to be pro ALL life, even the mother’s life . A woman’s life needs to be just as valued. 

Look at Paul Ryan

C’mon ladies (considering voting this guy), really? Rape as a  “method of conception.” This guy is along with Romney is looking at making abortion illegal or incredibly difficult to obtain one.  1 in 4 women is sexually harassed or assaulted in their lifetime (the numbers are probably far higher). Those assaults have lead to pregnancy.  If this can put in in perspective line yourself up with 3 other of your girlfriends, and pick out which one will probably be (or has been) sexually abused, assaulted, or harassed and tell me if you’d tell them their rape was just a ‘method of conception.’

I realize that some abortions will come from two consenting adults getting pregnant, however ultimately our own personal preference can’t interfere with someone elses. Just like you wouldn’t want someone else telling you what to do, lets do the same for our sisters out there who are in some difficult situations. Lets NOT vote for someone who will take away access (or make it very difficult) to a medical procedure that can be incredibly dangerous without proper medical training. Abortions have been going on for years, and they will continue going on even if they are outlawed or made increasingly difficult to get hold of, so why put a woman’s life in danger?

Just because the abortion ban doesn’t apply to you personally doesn’t mean that it doesn’t apply to another woman who could find herself in some very difficult situations or be forced to make a difficult decision.  

2)      Birthcontrol and preventative care

Romney has talked about cutting funding to Planned Parenthood, which, contrary to some beliefs offers more than abortions. Planned Parenthood helped me get free birth control and pap smears when I was 17. Sure I was on my parents insurance, but I didn’t want them finding out. I got checked for STD’s regularly with Planned Parenthood, and look at me now 31, not pregnant, STD free, and pretty upstanding citizen. Planned Parenthood provides not only access to teens who need support, because lets be real, teens are going to keep having sex whether we like it or not, but also to mothers and women who don’t have access to insurance.

I refer my client’s mothers who planned parenthood when I find out they haven’t seen a gynecologist in years. Do we want someone who will cut funding that helps women out as much as planned parenthood? Don’t buy into the hype that all they do is provide abortions, they also provide medical support to women of low socioeconomic status who so desperately need these services.

3)      Equal Pay for equal work

The Republican SENATE BLOCKED the move to close loopholes in the Equal Pay Act. They blocked it, do you want President who represents a party that would be all “hey women, we don’t want to pay you the same as men? “ Like, that’s NOT COOL.  When asked, Romney simply stated that ‘they’d get back to us on that.’

I know there are some great Republicans out there, and I fear that those of you that are reasonable are being poorly represented by this extreme right that is very vocal.  But women, lets stand up for each other  (and for women who are so often oppressed and denied access to what they need) and for our basic rights to equal pay, access to free birth control, preventative care, and freedom of choice. We are not 2^nd class citizens to be denied these things.  If you don’t like Obama, don’t like him, but like his support of Women. Vote for a candidate that supports you as an equal citizen, not one that needs her body and her check to be policed. There will be dire consequences for women (not just you) everywhere if Romney and the Republicans win. 

Book Review: How to be a Woman

I just finished reading How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran.  It’s a book on being a woman and feminism, and it’s hilarious. I literally LOL’d while reading it. The book delves into body image, women in pornography, periods, pubes, marriage, children, and abortion. I have to say I found this a very enjoyable book for people wanting to explore feminism.

On being (becoming) a woman

While reading the book I explored my own thoughts of how I became a woman and when that moment happened. I remember when I got my first period my mom basically said “well you’re a woman now.” I didn’t feel like a woman in my LA gears. I mean I still held an extreme fascination to mermaids (I’m not gonna lie, I still like mermaids).  So when did it happen? When I think of being a woman I think of someone with wisdom and knowledge. My mom is a woman,  Hilary Clinton is a woman, Oprah is a woman. Me, I still at times feel like I’m sneaking around in my mom’s high heel shoes.  Becoming a woman is more of a transformative life long journey.

On Plastic Surgery

Moran had some pretty strong words against plastic surgery and was at times very critical about it. This is one point I’m going to have to disagree with her on. I’m all for plastic surgery, and frankly when I’m done having kids I won’t be opposed to a little nip/tuck where I feel like I’ll need it. She discusses it as a reaction of fear, but for me personally I just want my boobs to be back where they were when I’m done rearing my kids. I’m not afraid, I’m just a little vain.

On feminism

 I am a feminist. I..am..a feminist. I actually have been trying to get used to saying “I am a feminist” for a while because of the negative connotations that come associated with being a feminist. Let me tell you what a feminist isn’t: 

1)      Bra Burners

Do you have any idea, any idea how expensive a bra is? If you’re a woman you know and you know you would never ever burn one, let alone a decent one. Moran discusses in length about how bras are our friends (at least a good bra that doesn't cut into your rib cage)

"The relief of taking off a bad bra is immeasurable. It is also the measure of your friendships. If you would feel comfortable going round to someone’s house at the end of a long day, and saying, “I’m just going to take my bra off,” you know you are intimate friends. Of course, on occasion bad bra removal has to happen in a more urgent location. I have seen women taking bras off in cabs on their way back from clubs; women taking bras off in cabs that are still outside clubs. I once saw it happen at a bus stop, outside a bar on Camden High Street. So to any idiot who says, “You a feminist? Do you burn your bras, then, huh? HUH? You burn your bras, you feminist?” you must reply, calmly, “Fool. FOOL. Bra is my friend. My bosomest buddy. Except for that balcony-cup Janet Reger one that cut off the circulation to my head. Yeah. That one. I covered that one in petrol and torched it outside the American Embassy" -Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

                                                  

2)      Man Haters

Feminist don’t hate men, they hate misogyny (which women can be just as guilty in perpetuating) and patriarchy that often oppresses women.  Feminist hate it when guys like Paul Ryan tries to define rape, or when men in congress try to tell us what to do.  Moran states that if you 1) have a vagina 2) want to be in control of said vagina then you’re a feminist.

Feminism isn’t about hating another gender because that doesn’t do us or anyone any good. Hate does no one good. Feminism is about being offered choices as women. There was a time where women were just expected to stay home with the kids with no other options. Feminism has allowed us to branch out from that if we want. We can stay at home, we can work, and this is awesome my lady friends!

Feminism is simply about fairness and choice. I am a Feminist. 

On the Book:

Overall I enjoyed the hell out of this book, it was my brand of feminism I can get fully behind. Its the kind of book you want to read during this 3rd wave of feminism we're seeing. Go out and read this book, I'm looking at you too guys. 

“I’m neither ‘pro-women’ nor ‘anti-men’. I’m just ‘Thumbs up for the six billion”- Caitlin Moran

California Love: WTF Earthquakes?

Apparently last night there was an earthquake of 4.5, which is strongish I guess. I didn't feel it, but Disco felt it and looked me all wild eyed and accusatory, like some how I had managed to conjure the earth to shake just to frighten her.

"STOP, DROP, AND ROLL, NO WAIT THAT'S NOT IT!!!"

There was another one this morning, 4.5. THAT ONE I felt. I was making some food and it was all shakey. Since my apartment building was built in the days of the Rat Pack you can feel everything move just by having a 5 year old walk infront of your apartment on the second story.

I think a lot of us Californians are kind of jaded when it comes to earthquakes. Yeah they startle us, but I think it takes a lot to frighten us. This makes me ask the question we (earthquake experiencers) have:

At what point to you run out of your building?

I was at a farmer boys once with the boyfriend and there was a 5. something. It went on for a bit and we just stayed really still (Like somehow  us staying really still and quiet will somehow give us an indication of how long this shaking is going to last) and waited.

Do you wait until you see dry wall dust fall from the ceiling?

Do you wait until shit starts breaking?

What is the second marker when you think, ok, that's it, I should probably leave now? 10 sec? 8 sec? 2 sec? (the 2 second runs I see most common in people who have never experienced an earthquake).

I remember an earthquake when I was around 7 years old. I ran to my parents room because I was scared and the floor, I kid you not, was ondulating. IN A WAVE!!! So creepy. I can't remember the intensity of that one but it felt strong. We actually got out of the house, that's how bad it was. To have two parents who were born and raised in El Salvador where the earthquakes are catastrophic (none of thiss 4.5 crap, we're talking 7.5 and up) to have them run out of their house (that isn't made of cinderblocks) takes an impressive jolt.

At my job we all look at each other assessing who is going to loose it first, which sucks because we're all therapists and we've been conditioned to hide our emotions in stressful situations. So we may all just die in this blue building.

For the mean while, as this day progresses I'll be thinking more about the emergency earthquake kits for cats and how the hell I plan on getting them out of the apartment should a big one hit.

YOS: LA Marathon is BACK!

LA Marathon training is fast approaching. If at any point you thought: “I’d like to do a marathon some day” this is your chance!
Let me answer some of your pressing questions:

But Dre-Dog, I can’t even run a mile, how can I run 26?

26.2 Silly unicorn! 26.2! That’s ok, because guess what no one is asking you to run 26.2 miles right now. I mean you will eventually have to, but not like, right now.

Bitchez be trippin

Ah, but Ms Saavedra (if your nasty), I can’t run because (insert reason here), how can you expect me to run 26. 2?

-nuff said.

he makes us all look bad

P.S. There are run walk training programs for marathons.

I see you’ve shamed me into maybe slightly considering running a marathon, what is this training program you speak of?

 I will swear by LA Roadrunners program. It is very thorough and you get a chance to run/walk with people whom you can keep up with. It can be intimidating at first when you think “there is no way I can keep up with them” until you realize that they are just as slow or fast as you are. And you’re all working towards the same goal.

Click for more info

I don't think you'll come across a lot of people who wills they regret running a marathon. They'll regret singing up for it, training for it, and right at mile 20, but when they're done they wont say "hey I wish I had never done that."

It is an amazing sense of accomplishment that I will be participating again soon.

ALSO if you say you still can't run the full, I think they have the relay option again this year. This option allows you to run a portion of the full (1/2 of it to be exact) and still earn the medal. 

Bra Burning: Outsourcing Self Esteem

I can watch this gif all day

I've been feeling like shit this week. Criticizing every aspect of my body, nitpicking what's dimply, whats wobbly, and what's not perfect. The culmination of this self-loathing lead to a moment while I was buttering up a cinnamon thingy toasty bar for dinner. I broke down and cried. I cried out of frustration that I had felt so unattractive. I cried because I haven't felt sexy in years. I cried because I had bought into the bullshit that is peddled to women since we were young: if you aren't pretty you aren't anything.

 It made me mad  that I had placed my own sexual attraction and feeling valued outside of my own control. It pissed me off that I had completely let pictures of lean women, photo shopped women to make me feel like crap.  I some how had thought that I wasn't sexy if I wasn't waxed enough, thin enough, or defined enough. Even more so, I had compared myself to women who are overly represented in the media (Caucasian chicks). I'm not White. I'm Latin. I'm curvy, why couldn't I accept that? I know I'm not the only women who looks at herself in the mirror and plays "lets see what's wrong with me." How do we stop this and help our daughters feel comfortable in their own skin.

More Women of Color and Shape!


I think I place more emphasis on the women of shape, because even when we see women of color on TV they are svelte and thin.  In watching the Olympics you see women who are not considered 'beautiful' by what the media tells us, and they are INCREDIBLE athletes who's bodies have been fine tuned for excellence in their field. Some of these women are thin and strong, big and strong, or tiny and strong.  Yet we'll associate some of these traits as masculine and 'unattractive.'

look up big booty bitches

Take Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, Kate Upton. Many people would define them as "feminine" where as Serena Williams, Kayla Harrison, Missy Franklin body types would be considered "less feminine." Why can't they both be just as feminine. We need to challenge the perspective that being 'feminine' as looking a certain way.

I'm saying we need big booties, little booties, big boobs, small boobs, big backs, small backs, deemed as beautiful.

Changing the dialogue


I've had women sit across from me in therapy tell me that they try to help their daughters by telling them they're beautiful. It gets under my skin because you're showing your daughter that the only way they can feel better is if they hear they are pretty. I often tell these moms that there is nothing wrong with saying that, but try to add something with more sustenance like complementing a quality or a skill along with being pretty.

We've been so ingrained to do this, that even when we here are girlfriends complaining about how they feel in relation to how they look we will often say "But you're so pretty." We repeat the cycle for putting our emotional well being in looking good. I know for me it started to wear thin and I thought "there has to be more to me feeling better about myself than just looking a certain way."

total badass

Let us praise the women in our lives not just by their looks but by their bad ass accomplishments.

Redefining Beauty/Femininity


Performing femininity is the act of behaving, dressing, and acting a way that is deemd "normal female behavior." We're looking at you high heel shoes, painful waxing, hair curlers, and make up. It's ingrained in us, so much so, that I know personally I will probably not be able to stop performing femininity. Anything that doesn't fall in that realm of what is considered normal is considered masculine, negative, or abnormal.

Femininity conjures up images of softness, bouncy, princessy, unicorn-ness. We've internalized the patriarchal ideal of beauty (because mostly men have decided what is beautiful and what is not). Lets take back our own definition of beauty. Let feminine be a large spectrum from super princessy to whatever the complete opposite of that is (if there even is an opposite). We can absorb some 'masculine' traits and still be women, just like men can absorb some feminine traits and still be men (this is another topic for another day)


Stop the Outsourcing

We (us lady folks) need to stop putting the job of our self-worth outside of us in the hands of others and in the hands of society. Don't get me wrong, I wont yell at you if you want to compliment me on my earlobes, but I don't want to break down and cry when I don't feel my earlobes aren't pretty, thin, enough.

It's difficult, and I think as I continue to embark the learning process of where I stand with Feminism and where Feminism stands with me these kind of issues will sit around in my head. I have to continue working to counter act all cognitive distortions that are related to the messages I've received. My face and figure do not define me. I define me.

YOS: Running away the Crazy

A recent article from England's University of Bristol said that exercise doesn't reduce any symptoms of depression. I call bullshit. Having had depressive episodes in my life (3 to be exact), I have found that running has helped me tremendously in keeping any new depressive episodes from popping up. 

I haven't worked out in a week and I feel like crap tonight. Filled with more self-doubt then I'd like to be and more cognitive distortions than are probably healthy. I wont let it last, I'll be working out again on Sunday (for some reason I can't seem to start on a Saturday. I think it's because my Weight Watchers points start on Sunday- oh well).  

Running allows me to focus in on what matters, because you can't focus on anything but avoiding pain or discomfort. Running (or whatever your exercise of choice is) allows all the superfluous crap in your life fades away in the background and you get solutions. You get clarity. The moment you find an exercise that allows that for you DON'T STOP DOING IT. 

I'm going to allow my pity party of one today (although I'm pretty miserable to be around when I'm in this state).