6 years a Therapist.

On November 5th, I entered my 6th year anniversary at my non-profit mental health agency. I have been in this field for 7 years (1 year internship while I was in the graduate program) and I enjoy it because it's a field that always challenges me.


When I had the chance to work with graduate students I gave them a few pieces of advice

1) Find an agency that will teach you while you learn the ropes of DMH paperwork. DMH paperwork was not taught to you as a grad student and requires almost a year (or for me 2) just to get a handle on it.

2) Accept that you will never be caught up you over-achieving glorious goons! It's ok, accept it and walk away

3) Find what works with your energy. I work best at the beginning of the week and taper out in energy as the week progresses, I schedule more clients on Monday Tuesday than Wednesday and Thursday. Some people are the opposite.

4) Above all, take care of yourself. You are a well of support, empathy, and understanding. Make sure you are always filled with what brings you joy and life, or else you will run dry, rendering you empty. Take care of yourself.

 I have heard some pretty horrific stories of abuse, deceit, lies, and all around awfulness. I have been yelled at, challenged, and been complained about to my boss. I once actually had to save a 10 min rant on my voicemail because I called DCFS on a parent just to cover my ass. It was crazy, and I wish I still had it. Working with LA County DMH standards is enough to test anyone's tolerance. The mountains of paperwork, the productivity demands, and the constant change and push for evidence based practice can drive you batty. The current climate of health care reform has been challenging for many of us. Evidence Based Practice can suck to soul out of the most promising therapists. This field is not for the weak of heart or the weak of soul. However hard the day is, the week, or the fiscal year I have still managed to keep my faith in humanity. I still find the energy to do what do and here is why:

1) My clients: Not all my clients are gems or the most enjoyable people to care for, but when you find that flicker of desire to change it's amazing. You see that that person wants to change and wants you to be a catalyst for that change. It's pretty awesome

2) I now have mad UNO skills. I challenge you to an UNO duel, I'll win.

3) The ugly: When you hear about abuse in such graphic detail as I and my colleagues have had to  you wonder how can you keep going. It's the trust behind the ugly is what keeps me hopeful. You trust me to hold all that awful in your life. For a moment I can carry the weight of it for you, even though you go on living with it every day.

4) Group Supervision: man, learning different techniques from new therapists and group supervisors is amazing. You can never learn too much.

5) My colleagues/friends. I am surrounded by incredibly smart, empathetic, driven women (and men-but they are few in this field). They are the reason why I haven't lost faith in humanity, because of what they do when they are in the trenches of mental illness. Not only have these women supported me professionally, but they have also supplied me with female camaraderie that every woman should have by my age.

So, may I have many more years in this field, and still maintain the level of hope and faith in me to continue to give to others. Because the only way to survive in this field is to continue to have faith the the human spirit and the human desire to change.

Faith, Feminism, and F-Bombs

Lets get a couple things straight.

1) I'm a Christian. I believe in God and Jesus. I believe that Jesus died for my sins and was a radical liberal.

2) I'm a Feminist. This means I don't hate men and I don't burn bras (because they're expensive). I simply believe that women should be treated as equals to men. We're different I get that, but one is not superior to the other.

3) I cuss. Not a lot, but enough to add emphasis like "SHIT that FUCKING hurt!" or "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" when I'm really just tired of the day to day bullshit.

My faith in God has probably been the thing that has kept me most even keeled, calm, and OK during some different times in my life. Prayer during my long runs have helped me immensely. I have my doubts about religion and churches, I'm wary of any mass group of people being led by one person. I'm skeptical of men (as in human beings, not as a just men) but I'm not skeptical in God. I often wonder if He looks down at us with face palming all day. I believe the Bible can serve as guide, but I also can't ignore the fact that it was written by us flawed human beings. God talking to us is like pouring the purest water through a janky filter. If we go into the whole sin/original sin thing I think there is some validity to this.  There are a lot of things I don't understand, and I accept that I may never understand it. I once had a professor who summed it up perfectly " A person trying to understand God is like trying to look through a stained glass window. You get an idea of what's out there but you don't get a clear picture." I like having something bigger than me.

"when my heart is overwhelmed: Lead me to the rock that is higher than I" Psalm 61:2

2) When the Bible was being written, chances are it was totally being written by a dude. I mean oppression of women isn't something new people, it's been going on since like forever. Machismo and Religion are like homies. Hence why I take some Biblical passages with a grain of salt. The Bible is a reflection of its times. But I digress, I'm a Feminist. I believe in the whole equal pay for equal work. I believe in a woman's right to chose for her body and her career. If you want to stay home, stay home. If  you want to work, work. The women's movement has allowed for us to have more options. I also believe that Feminism benefits men, because it allows flexibility in all our roles. So much of roles is tied up with sexuality (no bueno), but it's good for everyone. Equality is a good thing. Equality is sexy. Equality for everyone YEI!

3) Some people say 'cussing is unlady like' but I say fuck it. What does it mean to be a Lady? Who defined that? (Well that's a whole other blog discussion). I try to curb the cussing around kids, because well, no one wants to hear a 5 year old say 'shit head.'  I just like to pepper it in, you know, for flavor. Not like, every other word, just a little emphasis.

I felt the need to write this blog because I've had people say "Oh I didn't know you were a Christian" because why? Because I don't memorize Bible verses, or attend church every Sunday. If 10 years of private school education has taught is that the most "Christian" Christians were some of the most hypocritical awful people I have ever met. It was in these Christian schools where I heard racist terms said to me and people were straight up mean because I looked different. If we can get passed the label of "good" Christian to  real Christian I think people would probably like us more. We're flawed, multifaceted people. I hate that so many out there associated my faith with hypocrisy and hate with Christianity.

This is me being real: I'm a Christian who cusses and believes in equal rights for women and the LGBTQ community. I'm a Christian who struggles with her faith, who misses a good praise song.I didn't get married a virgin (but mad props to those who did!) . I am what I am, I make no apologize, and to quote the great philosopher 2Pac: "Only God can judge me."