Are you a MexiCan or a MexiCan’t: Dia de los Muertos

I haven’t written in a while, forgive me. Today is the first day of Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead).  Today I am filled with Mexican memories. Puebla at times has similar weather to Ontario, although I swear they actually get their fall more pronounced than what we are currently experiencing, but I digress. Dia de Los Muertos is a day when all the dead come back to say “sup.” Day of the dead spans the first two days of November, with many families setting up altars to their loved ones who have passed away. Altars are usually brimming with color! Pinks, purples, orange, reds! Gorgeous!

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 They line the altars with cempasúchil, which is a yellow/orange marigold. A lot of altars have a trail of cempasúchil (Flower of  the Dead) so that the dead know how to get back to their homes. The altars have ‘pan de muerto’  , tequila, or other favorite foods of the deceased. Calaveras are seen grinning from ear to ear! I’m bringing it up today, because I am always flooded with memories of my aunt, my Tia Cheny.

My mother exposed me to Mexican culture at a very young age, often taking me to visit my aunt and cousins when I was 6-7 years old. My first memories of Mexico was that of my aunt handing my sugared calavera, which I swear got bigger and bigger every year. One year she got me one with my name on it. I was reminded of the cold breeze in Puebla in the evening during this time of the year and eating Churros con chocolate in ‘El Porton’ (Like a Mexican Denny’s). Most of the warmest memories I have of Mexico relate to my aunt and my cousins and this time of the year. Maybe that’s why I associate November/Decemnber with my family. I remember going one year during Dia de los Muertos and we went to this town that lied about 40 min out of Puebla.  The town opened their doors to visitors to see their altars. We went from house to house, we were offered hot chocolate, tamales, mole, and bread. 

La Catrina

Dia de los Muertos is about celebrating life, laughing at death (as seen through the Catrina). Outsiders may see this as morbid, but it is a beautiful tradition. I hope some day Scott and our kids can visit the altars, maybe visit the cemeteries (which have been filled with mariachis serenading the departed), smell the burnt incense, and treat our kids to some churros con chocolate afte they have eaten their queso fundido. 

My muffin top is all that. Whole-grain, low-fat.

Fuck self-control

That sneaky son of a bitch. My weight has a tendency of sneaking up on me. Next thing I know I'm up a size in pants, and I think nothing of it, until I realize that going up a size means having slowly gained 10lbs over two years. I was at weight watchers over two years ago, and I lost 20 lbs WOOHOO, good for me right? well that 20lbs window lasted abooooooooooout a week, then slowly I've been gaining it back. Part of the blame lands in marathon training. I was really ok with gaining 5 lbs because I was a ravenous beast. I mean it's like impossible to log 25+ miles a week and train without completely loosing your self-control around bread.

The problem is, my marathon ended March 17. Uh, 6 months ago. Everyone tells me "oh you can eat like that, you're a runner." Well the running gets defeated when you're making sweet sweet love to a big mac (GODDAMN THOSE THINGS ARE GOOD!).

GET IN MUH MOUTH!

 So here I am : 151.4 lbs and I'm posting it online because today I went back to weight watchers, started a work fitness competition, and 2 months away from my wedding.

I can't loose too much weight this month because I'm getting my dress, and frankly I can't afford to get my dress super altered. So we'll call this an 4 week journey to see how much I can lose, and sustain.

Wish me luck!

Women should run? What the what?

I ran across this article on my facebook feed and my head nearly exploded. EXPLODED!!!! I just can't....I just can't. Why (most) women shouldn't run.

I mean honestly, c'mon, women shoudn't run. Like ever? What if wild beast was chasing me? May my massive hips just screw me? Running can be hard on your knees, don't get me wrong, but that goes for men and women. Loosing a few pounds helped me reduce my knee pain, and now I don't have any problems.  But according to the article by Michael Boyle we can't because: titties

There was a time when women straight up couldn't run, and by 'there was a time' I'm talking about recent. Like before 1970's recent. The olympic marathon did not allow women, because they thought it was too strenous for us, and we couldn't hang.

Here's a gem quote for you " Women with larger breasts and wider hips don’t make good runners"

Well, after they found out our uterus' wouldn't fall out if we ran a few miles, it was all good!  We have had women like Katherine Switzer sneak into the Boston Marathon because back in the good ol days we were seen unfit.


C'mon man

The blogger didn't write this article, but what gets me is that, as a female athlete, why would she even offer this as advice to other females who run. I mean, most women I know that run don't do it to look like elite runners, they do it because it can help cope with the insanity of life. As a women, let's not encourage this way of thinking that tries to limit women to 'more safe' activities.

Anywho, for all you non-elite runners out there (which is most of us), I hope you ignore this drivel, strap those double D's in to your moving comfort bra (which are the shit), and get running, because women could and SHOULD run.


around this time 5 years ago

It was around this time 5 years ago where I found myself at a very difficult impasse in my life. I was recently graduated from the MFT program at ULV, engaged, and supposedly packing to move to Mexico by Sept 22 (or around that time) to be with the guy I was supposed to marry. The last year of that relationship had be incredibly tumultuous. If you ask my mother she would tell you she heard too many nights me crying on the phone.  I had also been going through a 2 year long transformation back into the person my 18 year old self wanted to be: heading into a career of helping others, surrounded by family, and on my own. This was in stark contrast to who I was expecting to be: wife and future Mrs.

 

In May of that same year (5 years ago) I sat with my black robe and hood with ULV’s colors waiting for my name to be called. I would walk up, grab my diploma, and smile. However this moment of my life was fill with such bittersweet emotions. I kept thinking in my head that this moment, was the end. The end of my childhood. The end of my home. The end of my family. It was time for me to grow up and get married, because that’s what you do. I remember walking out of that stadium to “Somewhere over the Rainbow” and almost crying at this loss of innocence. I wasn’t ready to grow up and do the grown up things I had thrusted myself into doing.

Fast forward 4 months, everyday inching closer to my departure date. I had left a couple of years prior to Mexico and let me tell you that the pain I felt when I packed my bags was the equivalent of feeling my soul being ripped out of me. It didn’t even feel like I was growing, it felt like I was tearing at the stitches that held me together, tearing at the stitches of my family that had always loved me and surrounded me. There I was, with clothes I needed to pack, boxes I needed to label, and a wedding dress hanging in the closet. The invitations sent. The venue booked. “It’s just cold feet” I told myself. 

 

So what happened, you probably ask, since I’m sitting in So.Cal and not in Mexico. Scott. Scott happened. Completely unexpected, completely unplanned, and completely needed. He wasn’t what changed my mind to call everything off, he was the match that lit a very very volatile powder keg. I remember sitting across from him and thinking: his ambition is like my ambition, he is passionate about what he does (like how I’m passionate about what I do). Scott made me feel congruent with who I was all within the span of a couple of hours of having met him. And he hadn’t even kissed me yet or made any passes (so put those thoughts away). What he made me feel shook me to my core so much that reevaluated what I thought I had wanted. I didn’t want to leave my family. My family is my blood life. I didn’t want to leave California. It had taken me 24 years to learn to appreciate it’s beautiful sunsets, it’s Diet Spring (our winter and fall), and hell, even it’s traffic. It isn’t’ until you’re about lose all that you’ve known that you everything you’ve every loved comes into focus.  

 

I stayed for my family.

I stayed for my friends.

I stayed for my career.

And Ultimately, I stayed for Scott.

 

So here we are 5 years later, 3 months away from getting married (holy moly 3 months). We don’t have an anniversary, because that September 5 years ago was such a cluster of emotions that I couldn’t pick out a date if my life depended on it. I don’t have those fears of needing to grow up and buckle down, because I’m going to share my life with a man who keeps me in touch with still being a kid with his humor. I don’t fear losing my family because they are at least 10 min away driving. As for friends, well if I hadn’t stayed I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to have the amazing girlfriends I have in my life now.

 

Bring on being married, bring on being a Mrs. I don’t mind it one bit. We’ve spent the last 5 years building a home for 2 (4 if you count the fur babies), and I look forward to building the next 85 (more if we are cryogenically frozen) years together.  I no longer fear being tethered to someone, as long as that person I’m tethered to is Scott.

Book Review: Wild- From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed

 

 

I’ve been trying to read more female authors as I get more in touch with this whole Feminist thing. I’m not talking about Feminist books per se, just books by chicks (that isn’t Chick-lit). I stumbled across Wild through some lady websites and I thought it looked mighty interesting. I went ahead and bought in on Amazon (along with 2 other books because hey, you just can’t buy ONE book).

 

Well, over my vacation I was able to start and finish Cheryl Strayed’s book Wild, which is about a 26 year old woman’s lone journey on the Pacific Crest Trail, which starts in the Mojave Desert and ends in Canada. Cheryl starts in the Mojave and tracks through California all the way to Oregon. Throughout the book she describes her adventures as a very green backpacker and the people she encounters along the way. There were moments in the book where I wish I could have been on that trail relishing in the beautiful loneliness of the woods and arid desert.

 

I’m not gonna lie, I actually am looking at doing something like this, maybe not hardcore like Cheryl, but hiking some place and setting up camp. As I’ve been running more and more outside, I’ve come to appreciate the peace and tranquility nature brings. Wild does a great job at exploring that, and also appreciating the beauty of solitude. With so many of us being constantly connected via Facebook, twitter, tumblr, instagram, etc the idea of completely void of ALL of that chatter sounds incredibly refreshing. Loneliness has become synonymous with so many negative connotations that we forget that to be still with ourselves can really allow us to explore those thoughts we often push aside, deal with our own nagging voices, and maybe find some deep realization about ourselves.

 

If you want to feel like you’re on the PCT (Pacific Crest Trail) or you want to read about someone’s journey of self-discovery read Wild. I cant express how much I enjoyed it.

http://www.cherylstrayed.com/wild_108676.htm

Women (all of you) should consider voting Obama

Why women should vote for Obama

Now, before you right me off as some right wing liberal, let me just say I’m approaching this from the simple angle that I’m a woman.  If you don’t like Obama’s foreign policy, current economic stance, ‘Obamancare’ I can completely respect that.  I honestly don’t know enough about that to comment about it, so I won’t. But there is something I do know. That if we vote for Romney/Ryan our rights a female whole will see set backs, and right now our issues are being peddled as non-issues in comparison to everything else, and women THEY ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT.

1)      Choice

Roe vs. Wade, if you don’t know, gave women the right to choose to terminate a pregnancy.  But Roe vs. Wade means more than that to us ladies. We, as a whole, have been oppressed over years and have been told how our bodies should be or shouldn’t be. Roe vs. Wade was about us having control over our bodies, just like birth control gave us autonomy over our sexuality. Do you really want a bunch of crusty old dudes saying what you can and can’t do with your vagina?

Ok, so you don’t believe in abortion, hey, neither do I, if we’re talking as a means of birth control. There are multiple ways to avoid pregnancy (abstinence, BC, etc).  Many pro-choicers will tell you they themselves wouldn’t get one, but they want women/girls who find themselves in desperate situations to have access to terminate a pregnancy without going a la back alley, which can be incredibly dangerous and deadly.  Pro-Life needs to be pro ALL life, even the mother’s life . A woman’s life needs to be just as valued. 

Look at Paul Ryan

C’mon ladies (considering voting this guy), really? Rape as a  “method of conception.” This guy is along with Romney is looking at making abortion illegal or incredibly difficult to obtain one.  1 in 4 women is sexually harassed or assaulted in their lifetime (the numbers are probably far higher). Those assaults have lead to pregnancy.  If this can put in in perspective line yourself up with 3 other of your girlfriends, and pick out which one will probably be (or has been) sexually abused, assaulted, or harassed and tell me if you’d tell them their rape was just a ‘method of conception.’

I realize that some abortions will come from two consenting adults getting pregnant, however ultimately our own personal preference can’t interfere with someone elses. Just like you wouldn’t want someone else telling you what to do, lets do the same for our sisters out there who are in some difficult situations. Lets NOT vote for someone who will take away access (or make it very difficult) to a medical procedure that can be incredibly dangerous without proper medical training. Abortions have been going on for years, and they will continue going on even if they are outlawed or made increasingly difficult to get hold of, so why put a woman’s life in danger?

Just because the abortion ban doesn’t apply to you personally doesn’t mean that it doesn’t apply to another woman who could find herself in some very difficult situations or be forced to make a difficult decision.  

2)      Birthcontrol and preventative care

Romney has talked about cutting funding to Planned Parenthood, which, contrary to some beliefs offers more than abortions. Planned Parenthood helped me get free birth control and pap smears when I was 17. Sure I was on my parents insurance, but I didn’t want them finding out. I got checked for STD’s regularly with Planned Parenthood, and look at me now 31, not pregnant, STD free, and pretty upstanding citizen. Planned Parenthood provides not only access to teens who need support, because lets be real, teens are going to keep having sex whether we like it or not, but also to mothers and women who don’t have access to insurance.

I refer my client’s mothers who planned parenthood when I find out they haven’t seen a gynecologist in years. Do we want someone who will cut funding that helps women out as much as planned parenthood? Don’t buy into the hype that all they do is provide abortions, they also provide medical support to women of low socioeconomic status who so desperately need these services.

3)      Equal Pay for equal work

The Republican SENATE BLOCKED the move to close loopholes in the Equal Pay Act. They blocked it, do you want President who represents a party that would be all “hey women, we don’t want to pay you the same as men? “ Like, that’s NOT COOL.  When asked, Romney simply stated that ‘they’d get back to us on that.’

I know there are some great Republicans out there, and I fear that those of you that are reasonable are being poorly represented by this extreme right that is very vocal.  But women, lets stand up for each other  (and for women who are so often oppressed and denied access to what they need) and for our basic rights to equal pay, access to free birth control, preventative care, and freedom of choice. We are not 2^nd class citizens to be denied these things.  If you don’t like Obama, don’t like him, but like his support of Women. Vote for a candidate that supports you as an equal citizen, not one that needs her body and her check to be policed. There will be dire consequences for women (not just you) everywhere if Romney and the Republicans win. 

Book Review: How to be a Woman

I just finished reading How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran.  It’s a book on being a woman and feminism, and it’s hilarious. I literally LOL’d while reading it. The book delves into body image, women in pornography, periods, pubes, marriage, children, and abortion. I have to say I found this a very enjoyable book for people wanting to explore feminism.

On being (becoming) a woman

While reading the book I explored my own thoughts of how I became a woman and when that moment happened. I remember when I got my first period my mom basically said “well you’re a woman now.” I didn’t feel like a woman in my LA gears. I mean I still held an extreme fascination to mermaids (I’m not gonna lie, I still like mermaids).  So when did it happen? When I think of being a woman I think of someone with wisdom and knowledge. My mom is a woman,  Hilary Clinton is a woman, Oprah is a woman. Me, I still at times feel like I’m sneaking around in my mom’s high heel shoes.  Becoming a woman is more of a transformative life long journey.

On Plastic Surgery

Moran had some pretty strong words against plastic surgery and was at times very critical about it. This is one point I’m going to have to disagree with her on. I’m all for plastic surgery, and frankly when I’m done having kids I won’t be opposed to a little nip/tuck where I feel like I’ll need it. She discusses it as a reaction of fear, but for me personally I just want my boobs to be back where they were when I’m done rearing my kids. I’m not afraid, I’m just a little vain.

On feminism

 I am a feminist. I..am..a feminist. I actually have been trying to get used to saying “I am a feminist” for a while because of the negative connotations that come associated with being a feminist. Let me tell you what a feminist isn’t: 

1)      Bra Burners

Do you have any idea, any idea how expensive a bra is? If you’re a woman you know and you know you would never ever burn one, let alone a decent one. Moran discusses in length about how bras are our friends (at least a good bra that doesn't cut into your rib cage)

"The relief of taking off a bad bra is immeasurable. It is also the measure of your friendships. If you would feel comfortable going round to someone’s house at the end of a long day, and saying, “I’m just going to take my bra off,” you know you are intimate friends. Of course, on occasion bad bra removal has to happen in a more urgent location. I have seen women taking bras off in cabs on their way back from clubs; women taking bras off in cabs that are still outside clubs. I once saw it happen at a bus stop, outside a bar on Camden High Street. So to any idiot who says, “You a feminist? Do you burn your bras, then, huh? HUH? You burn your bras, you feminist?” you must reply, calmly, “Fool. FOOL. Bra is my friend. My bosomest buddy. Except for that balcony-cup Janet Reger one that cut off the circulation to my head. Yeah. That one. I covered that one in petrol and torched it outside the American Embassy" -Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

                                                  

2)      Man Haters

Feminist don’t hate men, they hate misogyny (which women can be just as guilty in perpetuating) and patriarchy that often oppresses women.  Feminist hate it when guys like Paul Ryan tries to define rape, or when men in congress try to tell us what to do.  Moran states that if you 1) have a vagina 2) want to be in control of said vagina then you’re a feminist.

Feminism isn’t about hating another gender because that doesn’t do us or anyone any good. Hate does no one good. Feminism is about being offered choices as women. There was a time where women were just expected to stay home with the kids with no other options. Feminism has allowed us to branch out from that if we want. We can stay at home, we can work, and this is awesome my lady friends!

Feminism is simply about fairness and choice. I am a Feminist. 

On the Book:

Overall I enjoyed the hell out of this book, it was my brand of feminism I can get fully behind. Its the kind of book you want to read during this 3rd wave of feminism we're seeing. Go out and read this book, I'm looking at you too guys. 

“I’m neither ‘pro-women’ nor ‘anti-men’. I’m just ‘Thumbs up for the six billion”- Caitlin Moran

California Love: WTF Earthquakes?

Apparently last night there was an earthquake of 4.5, which is strongish I guess. I didn't feel it, but Disco felt it and looked me all wild eyed and accusatory, like some how I had managed to conjure the earth to shake just to frighten her.

"STOP, DROP, AND ROLL, NO WAIT THAT'S NOT IT!!!"

There was another one this morning, 4.5. THAT ONE I felt. I was making some food and it was all shakey. Since my apartment building was built in the days of the Rat Pack you can feel everything move just by having a 5 year old walk infront of your apartment on the second story.

I think a lot of us Californians are kind of jaded when it comes to earthquakes. Yeah they startle us, but I think it takes a lot to frighten us. This makes me ask the question we (earthquake experiencers) have:

At what point to you run out of your building?

I was at a farmer boys once with the boyfriend and there was a 5. something. It went on for a bit and we just stayed really still (Like somehow  us staying really still and quiet will somehow give us an indication of how long this shaking is going to last) and waited.

Do you wait until you see dry wall dust fall from the ceiling?

Do you wait until shit starts breaking?

What is the second marker when you think, ok, that's it, I should probably leave now? 10 sec? 8 sec? 2 sec? (the 2 second runs I see most common in people who have never experienced an earthquake).

I remember an earthquake when I was around 7 years old. I ran to my parents room because I was scared and the floor, I kid you not, was ondulating. IN A WAVE!!! So creepy. I can't remember the intensity of that one but it felt strong. We actually got out of the house, that's how bad it was. To have two parents who were born and raised in El Salvador where the earthquakes are catastrophic (none of thiss 4.5 crap, we're talking 7.5 and up) to have them run out of their house (that isn't made of cinderblocks) takes an impressive jolt.

At my job we all look at each other assessing who is going to loose it first, which sucks because we're all therapists and we've been conditioned to hide our emotions in stressful situations. So we may all just die in this blue building.

For the mean while, as this day progresses I'll be thinking more about the emergency earthquake kits for cats and how the hell I plan on getting them out of the apartment should a big one hit.

YOS: LA Marathon is BACK!

LA Marathon training is fast approaching. If at any point you thought: “I’d like to do a marathon some day” this is your chance!
Let me answer some of your pressing questions:

But Dre-Dog, I can’t even run a mile, how can I run 26?

26.2 Silly unicorn! 26.2! That’s ok, because guess what no one is asking you to run 26.2 miles right now. I mean you will eventually have to, but not like, right now.

Bitchez be trippin

Ah, but Ms Saavedra (if your nasty), I can’t run because (insert reason here), how can you expect me to run 26. 2?

-nuff said.

he makes us all look bad

P.S. There are run walk training programs for marathons.

I see you’ve shamed me into maybe slightly considering running a marathon, what is this training program you speak of?

 I will swear by LA Roadrunners program. It is very thorough and you get a chance to run/walk with people whom you can keep up with. It can be intimidating at first when you think “there is no way I can keep up with them” until you realize that they are just as slow or fast as you are. And you’re all working towards the same goal.

Click for more info

I don't think you'll come across a lot of people who wills they regret running a marathon. They'll regret singing up for it, training for it, and right at mile 20, but when they're done they wont say "hey I wish I had never done that."

It is an amazing sense of accomplishment that I will be participating again soon.

ALSO if you say you still can't run the full, I think they have the relay option again this year. This option allows you to run a portion of the full (1/2 of it to be exact) and still earn the medal. 

Bra Burning: Outsourcing Self Esteem

I can watch this gif all day

I've been feeling like shit this week. Criticizing every aspect of my body, nitpicking what's dimply, whats wobbly, and what's not perfect. The culmination of this self-loathing lead to a moment while I was buttering up a cinnamon thingy toasty bar for dinner. I broke down and cried. I cried out of frustration that I had felt so unattractive. I cried because I haven't felt sexy in years. I cried because I had bought into the bullshit that is peddled to women since we were young: if you aren't pretty you aren't anything.

 It made me mad  that I had placed my own sexual attraction and feeling valued outside of my own control. It pissed me off that I had completely let pictures of lean women, photo shopped women to make me feel like crap.  I some how had thought that I wasn't sexy if I wasn't waxed enough, thin enough, or defined enough. Even more so, I had compared myself to women who are overly represented in the media (Caucasian chicks). I'm not White. I'm Latin. I'm curvy, why couldn't I accept that? I know I'm not the only women who looks at herself in the mirror and plays "lets see what's wrong with me." How do we stop this and help our daughters feel comfortable in their own skin.

More Women of Color and Shape!


I think I place more emphasis on the women of shape, because even when we see women of color on TV they are svelte and thin.  In watching the Olympics you see women who are not considered 'beautiful' by what the media tells us, and they are INCREDIBLE athletes who's bodies have been fine tuned for excellence in their field. Some of these women are thin and strong, big and strong, or tiny and strong.  Yet we'll associate some of these traits as masculine and 'unattractive.'

look up big booty bitches

Take Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, Kate Upton. Many people would define them as "feminine" where as Serena Williams, Kayla Harrison, Missy Franklin body types would be considered "less feminine." Why can't they both be just as feminine. We need to challenge the perspective that being 'feminine' as looking a certain way.

I'm saying we need big booties, little booties, big boobs, small boobs, big backs, small backs, deemed as beautiful.

Changing the dialogue


I've had women sit across from me in therapy tell me that they try to help their daughters by telling them they're beautiful. It gets under my skin because you're showing your daughter that the only way they can feel better is if they hear they are pretty. I often tell these moms that there is nothing wrong with saying that, but try to add something with more sustenance like complementing a quality or a skill along with being pretty.

We've been so ingrained to do this, that even when we here are girlfriends complaining about how they feel in relation to how they look we will often say "But you're so pretty." We repeat the cycle for putting our emotional well being in looking good. I know for me it started to wear thin and I thought "there has to be more to me feeling better about myself than just looking a certain way."

total badass

Let us praise the women in our lives not just by their looks but by their bad ass accomplishments.

Redefining Beauty/Femininity


Performing femininity is the act of behaving, dressing, and acting a way that is deemd "normal female behavior." We're looking at you high heel shoes, painful waxing, hair curlers, and make up. It's ingrained in us, so much so, that I know personally I will probably not be able to stop performing femininity. Anything that doesn't fall in that realm of what is considered normal is considered masculine, negative, or abnormal.

Femininity conjures up images of softness, bouncy, princessy, unicorn-ness. We've internalized the patriarchal ideal of beauty (because mostly men have decided what is beautiful and what is not). Lets take back our own definition of beauty. Let feminine be a large spectrum from super princessy to whatever the complete opposite of that is (if there even is an opposite). We can absorb some 'masculine' traits and still be women, just like men can absorb some feminine traits and still be men (this is another topic for another day)


Stop the Outsourcing

We (us lady folks) need to stop putting the job of our self-worth outside of us in the hands of others and in the hands of society. Don't get me wrong, I wont yell at you if you want to compliment me on my earlobes, but I don't want to break down and cry when I don't feel my earlobes aren't pretty, thin, enough.

It's difficult, and I think as I continue to embark the learning process of where I stand with Feminism and where Feminism stands with me these kind of issues will sit around in my head. I have to continue working to counter act all cognitive distortions that are related to the messages I've received. My face and figure do not define me. I define me.

YOS: Running away the Crazy

A recent article from England's University of Bristol said that exercise doesn't reduce any symptoms of depression. I call bullshit. Having had depressive episodes in my life (3 to be exact), I have found that running has helped me tremendously in keeping any new depressive episodes from popping up. 

I haven't worked out in a week and I feel like crap tonight. Filled with more self-doubt then I'd like to be and more cognitive distortions than are probably healthy. I wont let it last, I'll be working out again on Sunday (for some reason I can't seem to start on a Saturday. I think it's because my Weight Watchers points start on Sunday- oh well).  

Running allows me to focus in on what matters, because you can't focus on anything but avoiding pain or discomfort. Running (or whatever your exercise of choice is) allows all the superfluous crap in your life fades away in the background and you get solutions. You get clarity. The moment you find an exercise that allows that for you DON'T STOP DOING IT. 

I'm going to allow my pity party of one today (although I'm pretty miserable to be around when I'm in this state). 

Year of the Sneaker: Respect the Run

The new season of running is coming upon me (us- if your reading this blog). It starts with my 1st 1/2 marathon this Labor Day weekend. It's the Disney 1/2 and I'm hoping I can break my P.R. Considering my current long run time, this may be possible, but you can't cocky.

I want on an 11 mile run yesterday, my goal was to finish it in an 1:50, but 1:51 isn't so bad! average 10:06 min pace, which means I could beat my time. It was a very difficult run, with 1/2 of it being up hill (the green is the elevation)

As I was running and kicking some butt I kept thinking," I can beat my PR, totally." But you have to respect the race. I remember going into a run once, having done multiple 1/2 at that point, and thinking "I've got this." well needless to say, I didn't. I got my ass handed to me, it was hot, I was sore, my knee hurt, it just was NOT pleasant.

I'm pretty excited to see what new goals Disney 1/2 will bring me

Life Lessons: The importance of Passion

Today was a bit disheartening at work. I won’t go into it, but needless  to say, I began to contemplate passion and drive and its importance in doing what you do.  The wisest advice my father gave me is ‘love what you do.’ This great man instilled me with great sense of work ethic, but most importantly the importance of loving it. Coming from a man who’s an accountant, this means a lot because you know…it’s accounting.  When he was growing up he choose book keeping because his mother had told him it was lucrative. When my aunt and uncle were growing up, they were told they should study medicine because it was a good field. I know that these three great individuals would have chosen something else. My dad: a cook, my uncle: an architect or designer, my aunt: that I don’t know, I wish I was given the chance to ask her. I think he has pushed this point across because I think if he had felt more in control of the situation he would have chosen something different.

So here I am, 31 (almost) always thinking about what I’M passionate about. Because when you’re passionate about something,  the money will come. Why? because you will do so willingly and well. I’ve turned down positions because they weren’t what I wanted. I feel like I’m at a stage in my life where I can ask “is this what I’m passionate about” as opposed to “how much money is this going to make me.” Don’t get me wrong, money is awesome and I may not take a pay cut, BUT I will definitely ask myself “is this what I want to do.”  

Fear is the biggest extinguisher of passion to venture out. I know I’m guilty of it, and I battle with tons of “buts” and excuses, but I do strive to do what I love. When the passion runs out, then it’s time to step back, breath and ask yourself : Is this really what I want to do with my life?  Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe you just need a break, or maybe you just need to direct your passion in a different direction. 

Rather than be discouraged about what happened today, I will see this as an opportunity to further propel myself in the direction I want to go in, not in the one I’m forced to go in.  I have found that when I’m not ‘still with God’ and push something that it normally falls apart. I’ve had to learn that I can’t force something. I need to pray and run (I do some of my most intense prayers and request while running).  I have found it helpful to tell myself to be patient and ask myself :

1)      Are you making a decision because you are angry at an outcome?

2)      Are you opting to not make a choice because you’re comfortable

3)      Are you afraid?

4)      Does this decision help you meet your own personal /professional ‘bottom line.”

For right now, I will wait, but not for long, because I feel like some changes are coming, and although they are scary, I’m pretty excited.

Are you a MexiCan or a MexiCan't: Oaxaca

I'm watching Mexico, One Plate at a Time. It's cheesy as hell, but the main dude cooks dishes from Mexico with his daughter (who is barely tolerable in her cheesiness). I'm brought back to my many trips to Mexico and aaaaaaaaaaaall the awesome food I got to eat there. Being of Salvadorean background, there has been at times that I have had to hear about the animosity/rivalry between Mexicans and Salvadoreans, which I've never understood. Mexico is beautiful, El Salvador is Beautiful! Both their dishes are AMAZING! But today is my ode to Mexico, mostly because I have spent a considerable amount of time there, and watching this show has brought back many beautiful culinary memories filled that intertwine with the amazing women in my family. Today I thought of Oaxaca.

Oaxaca is this beautiful sleepy city which amazing Catholic churches in green limestone, bugambilia lined court yards, and the breath taking pyramids of Monte Alban. I had the luxury of being able to road trip through this  beautiful state with my cousins all the way to the beach. One moment your in desert- like areas and BOOM tropical forest! While in Oaxaca I got to body surf on the beaches of Puerto Escondido, tan near a turtle sanctuary, and go day unfortunately without bathing (not by choice)

The Grub

Tlayuda

Tlayuda (TLah-You-Dah) is magical. The first time I ate one was with my mother in the city of Oaxaca. A tlayuda is a big tortilla that's been toasted with black beans on top. It is layered with steak and Oaxacan cheese. The cheese from Oaxaca is my Achilles heal. The cheese melts beautifully! My cousins and I would often make late night quesadillas in my aunts kitchen with this cheese. And yes you see correctly, it is a ball of cheese. HOW AWESOME IS THAT! 

BALL-O-CHEESE

Now, if you ever get a chance to go to Oaxaca, go to the market place. It's a pretty big tourist hot spot, but man, if you can have a tlayuda followed by a pan with chocolate, your mind will be blown. The chocolate is rich and the bread is 'bland' so you can dip it in the chocolate. You soak the bread with the chocolate and eat away. I seriously can taste it now. 

I feel so blessed to have experience this, and it breaks my heart to see all the turmoil and violence my Mexican brothers and sisters are going through. It's such a beautiful, rich country, that to see it marred is disheartening. I hope that in my life time people will stop associating Mexico with violence. Mexico to me has become synonymous with positive female energy and woman camaraderie. My mother would take me and we'd see the painting of Frida Khalo. My aunt (may she rest in peace) would make fresh orange juice, cut me fresh jicama, all the while being a badass doctor that worked hard to help her patients . My cousins and I would gossip, relive messed up dates, and try to solve all our love problems over a tiny table in my aunts kitchen. When I speak of Mexico, I can't help but think of emotion, and food. Food should always be an emotional experience: beautiful, rich, and tasty.

AAAND I'm Back!

Well, at least I hope so. It gets hard for me to be consistent with my writing but my future SIL kind of inspired me to start it up again.Sept 2nd, 2012 I go back to the beginning. The Disneyland 1/2 Marathon. One year ago I began my official journey to running and since then I've done 3 1/2 marathons and a full marathon. Starting September I plan on starting training for LA again, except picking up my speed. The last 10 miler I did I ran in 1:37 which doesn't seem super good, but considering I was running a 10.5 min mile, I'm pretty proud of myself. I need to be better about speed training. I've upped my cardio to 1.5 hours 4x week (running, spinning, and ellipitcal). 

I'm excited...super excited :D

2011 Medal

Year of the Sneaker: LA marathon

It's over, all said and done! My day started at 4:10 am and finally crossed the start line almost 12 hours ago. 5:28 hour later (longer than originally anticipated) I was done. We were incredibly blessed that the majority of the storm that was anticipated to hit us all weekend, only did the day before. I did slower than I would have liked, but considering it was my first marathon, I'm just happy I finished. I initially was paying attention to the music I was listening so I could write my power songs on my blog, but after mile 20 it was all a blur. So let me break down my experience for you as best as I can. 

Mile 1-6: Downtown L.A.  I actually tripped on mile 2 and I thought "Ok, so I get injured after 6 months of training 2 miles into this thing?!" Luckily I was fine. Around mile 5 I actually took off one of my shirts, it was quite and ordeal. I didn't even think of the marathon at this point, because I was only 6 miles in. At the top of a very steep Bunker Hill: Vomit. I saw that as an omen. 

Funny things I heard or Saw: 

* A guy yelling "Who needs a thighmaster!"

* sign saying "26.2 to your vacation." (I wish)

* Coolness: Chinese dragon's 'dancing' as we ran through  

Miles 7-13- Somewhere in L.A. I was looking forward to the 1/2 mark, because we had a support tent at mile 17. I figured by then I could break down the remainder of the marathon by 3 mile increments. Scott hit the wall at mile 12, which I know really upset him. By mile 14 he started getting muscle fatigue and pretty sever cramps.

Miles 13-20- Hollywood/Rodeo Drive- I had to pee at mile 19. I had been holding it since mile 1, chalking it up to nerves at that point.  Scott and I parted ways at mile 20 after a pinky swear and a kiss saying "I wont hold this against you." I forged ahead thinking, it's only 6 more miles. Scott's Dad and sister had started following us on bikes, cheering us on. This was sooo amazing, you need support. 

* Funny signs: "You training lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's Marriage." I also really enjoyed the drag queen cheerleaders in West Hollywood!

Mile: 20-23-  Brentwood- I started walking a couple of hills

Mile 23-26.2- Santa Monica -This had to be the longest stretch for me. My toes wouldn't crack. If I stopped I got butt and foot cramps. Mile 25 I almost started crying, and had to tell myself to "MAN THE FUCK UP." I zoned out the pain until I saw that beautiful orange sign at 26.2 ahead, and I just kept saying "just a little more, just a little more" I don't even remember what song brought me in. 

* Chick holding a sign: "Make that wall your Bitch" was motivating. About mile 23 I heard "I love L.A." on my ipod (that sentiment was kind of questionable by this point)

After I crossed the finish line I was in a daze, and wrapped in foil like a baked potato (Those suckers do wonders!). I felt bad for having left Scott, but I know he was running for my sake when he was really in pain. It was magical to finally meet up with him and give him a great big hug. His words "It's so good to see you."

So here I am, my feet killing me. I probably did some damage to the outside part of my foot, and I know that this soreness will reek havoc on my body tomorrow morning. I feel like a badass. Scott said that what fucked him over was his mind on mile 12 which shows that running a marathon requires a great deal on mental endurance. You have to run in pain and numbness trying to convince your brain to keep going. 

Although it probably wont be my last, right now I'll just be happy walking to the mail box. 

Year of the Sneaker: LA Marathon – 2 days to go and very much counting.

So it’s finally here. After 6 months of training and what seemed like a good idea 6 months ago is finally here: The L.A. Marathon! (Heads up, never sign up for anything after finishing a race. Those runners highs make everything seem like a good idea.) I got sick earlier this week, which was not bueno, and had me a feeling a little nervous. But, it seems I’m very much on the mend! (thanks to all my concerned friends for checking up on me J).

Training for a marathon is no joke. It requires dedication probably more than stamina. I have to say that the training and running is 90% mental 10% physical. There were many times when my body was saying “eff you, we’re done” and I was like “uh no we’re not.”

For those of you who say “I can’t run a mile.” It isn’t about what you can and can’t run, it’s about if you believe you’re capable of it.  I know, sounds cheesy, but believing in your capability to train and dedicate is what’s going to pull you through running in the rain, heat, and up hills.  You will learn a lot about yourself as you train. I learned that I can actually convince my body to keep pushing forward and how incredibly important it is to have personal cheerleaders along the way.

Things I’ve learned in training:

1) Don’t layer too much. There is nothing worse than over heating. Yeah you feel cold now, but trust me, you’ll get warm.

2) If you think you wont chafe, you will. I would love to show you my permanent scars under my boobs and on my shoulders. Lube up before you run!

3) Never join a marathon or ½ marathon because 1) it sounds like fun 2) you’re doing it to make someone else happy 3) you want to loose weight.

            - it isn’t always fun, and you will have serious moments of “FUCK THIS SHIT”

- Running is a personal thing,  and doing it for someone else may end up making you miserable in the long run (no pun intended)

            - I’ve gained 10 lbs since running. Part muscle, part voracious appetite!

4) Pushing yourself is important- both for physical and mental endurance

5) Everything tastes magical after a long run

6) Buy a Garmin forerunner. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to get mine! This thing is awesome and great for continued speed training.

7.) Watch what you eat. You don’t want to embarrass yourself because you decided to eat beans the night before.

 8.) Sports bras should keep you nice and compact and prevent jiggling

9) Shin splints will make you bruise from the inside out

10) I never thought there would be a time when I would be more excited about buying running shoes and clothes than regular clothes.

I don’t intend on this being my last marathon, but instead the 1^st  of many. I hope my future will hold some Ragnar events, triathlon, and maybe someday, qualifying for Boston.

Bra Burnin: for my future daughters

10 things I hope my daughter’s will see in their future:

1)      Equal pay for equal work, not this 80 cents for every dollar a man makes

2)      The end of Slut, whore, and any other word that demeans a woman’s sexuality. We need to stop accepting the words as regular lexicon. These words were invented to demean us. Don’t use them against each other. The word bitch is another blog entry.

3)      Have their anger be validated, not seen as a result of some hormonal monthly thing. We get mad because you’re a douche not because I have a uterus.

4)      Politics that no longer use our bodies as issues of debate. (FYI MOST guys I know are SOOO cool with birth control)

5)      I want them to be ok with their bodies, accept every perfection and imperfection

6)      A BAN ON PHOTOSHOP

7)      Not feel the stigma of owning a cat without being deemed a crazy cat lady (ok that one is for me)       

8)      I want the be able to walk at night or alone without fear or the need to protect themselves

9)      A world that teaches “don’t rape” instead of “don’t get raped.”

To be loved for who they are, not what they look like

Bra Burning: Yei Women's Day!

Do you have boobies (big or small)?

Do you lack an Adams apple?

Does you’re uterine linning cause you grief once a month?

Do you have a vagina?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions  you’re a woman! Congrats!

Today is the international day of the Woman. I’ve heard many a man say “Oh I would hate to be a woman.” First of all, shut the fuck up, that’s insulting to my gender to think that being a woman is a horrible affliction. Being a woman kicks ass. As a gender, we have seen major advances for us brought to us by the women’s movement. The pill has allowed us to now have a choice as to when we will have kids, therefore opening up our futures to more career advances (See, right wing crazies,  the pill isn’t just about us getting our ‘whoring’ on).

Recently we (us ladies) were having a conversation about the ‘man-demic’ that is going on (i.e. guys not calling back, or being slackers). I had suggested that a women we have seen a lot of doors being open and we are no longer needing to conform to just one role: housewife and mother. We now can choose if this is the path we want.  It seems that men have been stuck in the same role for a long time : breadwinner. Why can’t men choose like we can? Slowly we’re seeing more men be the stay at home dad, and taking less ‘traditional’ roles, which I think is great. No one should question a man’s masculinity for taking non-traditional roles just like a woman should seem less ‘famine’ if she opts for more ‘masculine’ roles.  If as women we can transcend our gender expectations, why can’t men be offered the same  chance. But I digress, this blog is about celebrating women, the man-volution topic although interesting can wait.

As we celebrate the amazingness of women, we need to recognize that 1) we need more than just one day 2) many women in the world are still being oppressed and denied basic rights  3) we, in the U.S. , are seeing a rise in legislation that is keeping women from basic health care access and impeding or our reproductive rights. We must continue to fight for ourselves and our sisters.  

Celebrate women’s international day by donating to charities that support women and children:

Here are some ideas, there are TONS more

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/ (Planned Parenthood shouldn’t be synonymous with Abortions. Planned parenthood provides reproductive healthcare for women who sometimes cannot afford or have insurance)

Kiva.org/women (connect you to women who need loans)

http://www.projectsister.org  (helps those who have been sexually assaulted, the majority of which are women)

WOUGNET (Women of Uganda Network)